the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
