I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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