Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
