let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
