Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
