I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize