i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
