4 words: hood of his car
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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