Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize