Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
