you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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