Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
