yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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