I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
