I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
