you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
