I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
