this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
