So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
