K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
