I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
