i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
