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• (845): View more from New York

  i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen

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• (830): View more from Texas

  If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice

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• (225): View more from Louisiana

  ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.

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• (716): View more from New York

  He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.

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• (641): View more from Iowa

  Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  it's unicorns you uncultured swine

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• (425): View more from Washington

  A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state

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