Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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