Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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