Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
