So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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