Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Quick, to the slutcave!
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
