I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
