I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
