He disabled his match.com account in front of me
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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