you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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