She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
