When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
