He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
