Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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