Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
