I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
