So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
