I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
