drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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