How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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