remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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