I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I have aggressive nipples.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
