Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
