I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
