he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
