i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
