There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
