I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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