Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
