u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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