i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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