I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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