my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
