i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
