In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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