I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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