I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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