When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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