I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
