I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
