I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
