I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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