when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
