Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
