is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize