things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
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