His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
