Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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