it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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