I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
