Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
