I never want to see another naked old woman again.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
