Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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