I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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