So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
