walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
