i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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