In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
