if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Randomize